Category Archives: Inclusion

Your September Magazine is here!

Autumn is, just about, here and so is our September magazine. Inside you can find news on upcoming events including our Pride services on September 7th, our Pet service, Craft Market, Harvest Festival, Harvest Supper, a concert from Out of the Shadows and Heritage Open Days. There is spiritual reflection and prayer, reports on events and the Church Cat and the Church Dog vying for your attention.

There are plenty of adverts too so please do use the companies who kindly advertise in our magazine. They enable us to keep going.

Download the magazine below:

The invitation

Instead of a sermon on June 23rd, there was a story/imaginative exercise. The congregations at St Mark’s and St John’s heard the Gospel reading Luke 14: 16-24 about a banquet which a man’s respectable friends refused to come to. You can read it here.

This was the story:

I want you to picture something. You have received an invitation to dinner. When you ring the door of the house it is opened by a woman who smiles at you says “Welcome.”  But you feel there is something a bit odd. She is big for a woman and her voice is deep.

You follow her through the house to a room with a huge wooden table and chairs all around. The table is set for dinner and candles on the table make it warm and inviting.

Two men come in, they are holding hands and they greet the woman there “Hello Rachel,” they say.

So she must be a woman.

“Ed, Mike,” she says. “Do sit down.”

Then another person comes in. They are young, boyish, but you are not sure. Is this a young man, or a young woman?

Others arrive. Some of them are alone, some are in pairs, all ages, casual, smart, men, women and those you really don’t know about.

“Come and sit down,” says Rachel, but you feel shy, nervous. Are you in the right place? And who are all these people? They don’t look like the people you normally mix with. You are not sure you fit it.

Then someone else comes in from a door behind you and stands next to you. He greets you by name and you feel that you know him, have always known him. He has such a kind face, the kindest you have ever seen. Maybe it will be alright.

Rachel comes over to him and hugs him and he hugs her tight. Then he waves at someone else and others come over. There is a lot of laughter and hugging and also the food smells amazing. Fresh bread, fish, spices, wow!

You are so hungry.

But you hold back. Is this the place for you? The people seem friendly and happy but they are different. You’re not sure that you should be there or be seen with them. You turn and decide to head out, but maybe you will pop into the bathroom on the way out. You are heading in there when you see Rachel. She’s going to the bathroom too , but really is she really a woman, what is she, no he going to do in there? You are suddenly worried.

You move away from her and find a side door but on opening it there is something going on out there. There’s a group of people, waving banners and shouting. “It’s Adam and Eve! Not Adam and Steve!” “Wake up to the Woke Agenda – protect our children!” “God’s judgement is coming.” “Men are Men and Women are Women. Fact!” You recognize some of the people – you think they might have been on TV. And there is a priest or two, a neighbour, a man wearing an oversize cross around his neck, a woman waving a Bible. They look angry and you are really quite scared. Your neighbour sees you and starts towards you. Then she stops and points at the house behind. “You’ve not been in THERE have you? With THOSE people?” She backs away with a look of disgust on her face. You see her husband too; he looks upset and embarrassed.

“No I…” you start, blushing, but then you remember the man with the kind face and remember how he greeted everyone and how pleased they were to see him and how pleased he was to see them. You wish he was here now. He’d make you feel OK and less scared and lonely. And he didn’t mind being in THERE with THOSE people. There’s something in the back of your mind about love and not judging.

You turn back towards the house but the door you came out of is locked. It must have slammed shut behind you.

Frightened you start to run round the side of the building and you have to go past the angry crowd. They are chanting now. “Sinners! Sinners! Sinners!” You run past their angry faces, their placards. Someone spits at you. You run to the front door and hammer on it. It opens and you fall in, straight into the arms of the man with the kind face. You are safe.

He looks at the crowd and his eyes are sad. He says something under his breath and then he shuts the door and guides you into the room with the table.

There’s a place at the table for you and a plate full of food, a glass of best wine. There is chat and laughter and you relax. You recognize a woman and realise you have seen her at church. She tells you her story and you find out that her eldest child is transgender but she is not sad – she loves them just the same as she always has and she knows how much happier they are. She does worry though as the world isn’t safe for transgender people. Violent attacks are on the up. Opposite you is another woman who tells you about the time she was attacked just for walking down the street.

Then you meet a couple of men. They’ve been together for 36 years. “But we are just as much in love,” one says. “Even though he still won’t put his dirty plates in the dishwasher!” says the other and they laugh.

There’s Sally whose life was she says “A total mess until I accepted who I was.” And Colin who used to be married to Mary but he could never be the husband she wanted. “We were best friends when we were at school so I married her because I thought it would make me straight. Poor Mary.” Poor Colin too you think. “We’re great friends still though” and he points her out. She looks happy now, and so does he.

There’s Danni who is trying to work out who they are; Janey and Susan who met when they were 15 and are now 75. “We had to hide our love from everyone for much of the time.” And Tariq whose boyfriend was attacked and killed in a homophobic attack. He sits quietly near the man with the kind face and seems comforted by being beside him.

On the other side of the man is Anita. She seems nervous but the man is encouraging her to talk. Like you she has questions but she doesn’t like to ask in case people judge her or call her a bigot. She’s not previously come across many people like the ones in the room and she wants to know more. The man tells her that asking questions with respect and no judgement is the way forward. You are relieved. You, too, want to learn.

Rachel serves you more wine and you hear her story. She transitioned when she was 40, after years of being unhappy, and now she is training to be ordained in the Church of England. She’s gentle and full of grace and you feel ashamed for what you thought earlier.

And in the middle of it all is the man. He sees you looking at him and he smiles, a smile that warms you right to the depths of your soul.

He speaks your name and tells you: “These are my friends, welcome at my feast. I’m glad you have met them, glad that you can see that love is here. And where there is love, there is God.”

Hope amid the Chaos

For LGBTQIA+ people and their allies

Hope Amidst the Chaos, a Holy Communion service with music based on Les Misérables, for LGBTQIA+ people and their allies, will take place at St Mary’s, Quarry Street, Guildford, on Wednesday, March 20th, 7.30pm.

Come along and sing some really cracking tunes and share in a communion service on a theme of hope amidst the chaos. Contact Stella for more details.

We’re looking for a new rector

The hunt is still on for a new rector of the Parish of Badshot Lea and Hale.

We haven’t had any suitable applicants yet so we are still advertising and an advertisement is currently in The Church Times. If you know someone who might be interested please point them in our direction.

The advert states:

Badshot Lea and Hale is an inclusive parish in north Farnham with three churches and congregations who enjoy their differences and celebrate their unity.  We are looking for a rector who is kind, easy-going, approachable and fun and who will encourage us on our continuing journey with God.

We want to be a parish that:

  • has a deeper connection with God, our community and one another
  • welcomes all ages and local schools into our churches
  • develops our existing culture of vocation
  • uses our buildings for the benefit of the whole parish

We are praying for a Rector who is:

  • a collaborative leader, capable of delegation
  • able to help us grow younger and increase congregation numbers
  • sensitive to different styles of worship
  • dedicated to inclusion

We offer:

  • welcoming congregations
  • administrative support and a spacious house
  • a thriving town with a lively arts scene

To find out more, click on the parish profile here: 

Your September Magazine is here

The September issue of the parish magazine is out now and you can download it below.

It’s a bumper issue which looks forward to what is going on this autumn. We start with a quiet morning for Creationtide at St John’s on September 2nd when Craig Nobbs will be leading us in reflecting about our care for God’s earth (see page 13). We will look at generosity and gratitude on two Sundays – September 10th and 17th (page 22) – and this month we start a series on exploring prayer, beginning on 20th when we go into Farnham Park to encounter God in nature (also page 22). Then there is our September craft market at St Mark’s on September 16th (page 48); Apple Day and Harvest Festival on 24th (page 12); and the Harvest Supper at St George’s on 29th (page 16).

It’s not all just about what’s on – among the articles you will find ones on home groups, autism, diversity, ordinations, why we hire out our halls, dog training and more, plus we are delighted to have the Badshot Leader right at the heart of the magazine, with information on The Kiln, the Community Garden and Aldershot Model Car Club.

All this plus local businesses who do so much to support our magazine by placing advertisements in it. Please do use their services.

Happy reading!

Support for autistic people

A report on a talk by Alexis Quinn

How can we best support neurodivergent people, especially those with autism?

This was the challenge which author, speaker and campaigner Alexis Quinn took on in a talk at St Mark’s in July.

It is a challenge she takes on every day as an autistic person and the mother of two neurodivergent children and her talk was the product of lived experience and the latest research in the field of autism and support for autistic people.

At the moment support for autistic people is patchy if not entirely lacking in some areas.

Alexis looked at research into both children and adults with autism and the findings are alarming.

Children

Autism is the most common type of special educational need in schools, with the latest figures indicating that there are 182,493 autistic pupils in schools in England, the majority of them (73 per cent) in mainstream schools.

Teachers are therefore highly likely to have come across at least one autistic child but according to the National Autistic Society (NAS), only 14 per cent  of secondary school teachers have had more than half a day of autism training, and without appropriate teacher training, autistic children are twice as likely to be excluded from school. In fact, 74 per cent of parents said that their child’s school place did not meet that child’s needs and 54 per cent of children found that their teachers’ failure to understand them was the worst thing about school. And yet the Equality Act 2010 means that schools have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments to things like the school environment and policies.

Adults

It doesn’t get better for adults. The disability employment gap (the difference between how many disabled people are in work compared to how many non-disabled people are in work) is wide, with around half of disabled people in work, compared with more than 80 per cent of non-disabled people. But the autism employment gap is even wider, with just 22 per cent of autistic people reported to be in paid work. There isn’t much opportunity for independence either with three-quarters of autistic people living with their parents, compared with 16 per cent of disabled people generally (ONS, 2021).

What is autism?

The NAS defines autism as “a lifelong developmental disability which affects how people communicate and interact with the world”. All people are different but generally, autistic people have difficulties interpreting verbal and non-verbal language like gestures or tone of voice, and they often have difficulty recognising or understanding other people’s feelings and intentions, and expressing their own emotions. This can make it very hard to navigate the social world. Alexis stressed that “when we take care of communication life is made a lot easier”.  For more details see box on page 19.

Autism and society

Alexis emphasised that autism is not an illness and does not need to be treated. It is simply a difference, part of normal human variation. However, this is not how society generally sees autism, and many people try to hide their autism by ‘masking’, suppressing behaviours which they may find soothing and mimicking others in order to fit in.

This seems to be especially the case for girls, but whatever gender, this is not healthy. Many autistic people feel the stigmatised and isolated, ‘othered’ by society and then they end up in what Alexis calls a ‘cycle of disconnection’. The results are alarming: 90 per cent of autistic people meet the clinical diagnostic criteria for anxiety and depression, and bullying and victimization leads to 61 per cent meeting the diagnostic criteria for PTSD. They are nine times more likely to die by suicide than neurotypical people and the average life expectancy for a ‘high-functioning’ autistic person is only 54. For a ‘low-functioning’ person that already low figure plumets to under 40.

Crisis

Why is this? Alexis herself masked and coped until a crisis point and this is common with autistic people. When crisis comes it can be impossible to mask or meet the demands of the environment. She had been a successful teacher and an international swimmer but once she needed help she ended up in a mental health and treatment unit. She describes her experiences in her book Unbroken, a terrifying description of a mental health system itself in crisis with little understanding of autism. What she thought was going to be a 72-hour rest turned into three and a half years in hospital, where she experienced sensory overload, restraint and seclusion until she took matters into her own hands and escaped to Africa. The book is an extraordinary and powerful read.

How to make a difference

Alexis now campaigns for better treatment for those with autism and challenges the way neurodivergent people are treated. She encourages people to think carefully about language which she describes as  “one of the most subtle but common forms of ableism…The language choices we make when talking about neurodiverse people can either maintain or challenge ableism.” Examples are: rather than saying someone is ‘suffering from autism’, we could talk about the ‘impact’ or ‘effect’ of autism, and rather than asking an autistic person “Why can’t you just…?”, we could ask “What can I do to support you?”.

These differences may seem slight but the cumulative effect of subtle hurts in language and the way people are treated can lead to increased marginalisation, bullying, poor mental health and trauma.

She is keen to encourage strategies to improve awareness of autism among non-autistic people which will not only improve the experience of autistic people but will also help lay the groundwork for a more accepting society.

Immediate steps

There are also lots of immediate steps that can be taken, especially in educational settings, including exit passes to leave classrooms if overwhelmed, quiet spaces to allow recuperation, uniform adjustments to reduce sensory discomfort and adjustments to classroom lighting and seating plans. These can go some way to reducing anxiety. Alexis explained that “when anxious the thinking brain — our executive functioning skills — can go offline and our emotional brain kicks in. We cannot pay attention, provide answers to a question, even speak, sit still or remain calm.”

She also outlined the importance of helping autistic children to report bullying and how schools can make this easier by, for instance, allowing autistic pupils to say what is happening by email or drawing, as communicating may be difficult.

Empathy works both ways

Finally Alexis pointed out that the burden of communication is usually put on autisic people. Both autistic and non-autistic people have difficulty understanding and ‘feeling’ each other because of their differing outlooks and experiences with the world but “empathy is a bidirectional phenomenon”, ie, it works both ways. Why is it that autistic people, the minority neurotype, are expected to do most of the adjusting? What can non-autistic people do to acknowledge and meet an autistic person’s desire for connection? Surely we can all develop new ways of relating?

What next?

There was time for questions after the talk with many people speaking from the lived experience of either being autistic or having autistic family and friends and there was a huge desire to carry on discussing ways of supporting each other. We are compiling a list of people who would like to be involved in some way and if you would like your name and contact details added, or to find out about other support or talks in the future, email revd.stella@badshotleaandhale.org

For more about Alexis click here.

Unbroken, learning to live beyond diagnosis by Alexis Quinn is published by Trigger Publishing.

Pride

We will be celebrating Pride on June 23rd at all three of our churches and online, with special services, prayers and readings in support of and celebrating the LGBTQI+ community.

We are sometimes asked why we hold these services. Pride services are an opportunity to celebrate LGBTQI+ people in their fullness, to look back on strides toward equality, and to imagine a world where celebration and full inclusion is the norm, not an exception. 

The Christian response to LGBTQI+ people has not generally been one of welcome and the Church as a whole has not felt like a safe space for many people. In fact, Christians have used the Bible as a weapon and the church has contributed to the political, relational and spiritual dehumanizing of LGBTQI+ people.

Our support for Pride is not just a way of saying sorry for the Church’s harmful actions – some of which have led to the death of some of God’s beloved children – but also an opportunity to denounce oppressive practices and ideology while also becoming more fully human ourselves. For when we dehumanise others we reduce our own humanity.

In these services we repent of the past and we look with hope to the future. We stand with people who identify as LGBTQI+ and proclaim loudly that all people are loved by God and all people are welcome here. God is Love and we are all fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your joint July/August Magazine is here

Our summer holidays parish magazine is here, covering the months of July and August.

With summer here there is plenty going on both inside and out, and among the events featured in this issue are a free Barn Dance at St Mark’s on the evening of July 14th to celebrate the 140th birthday of the church (see page 26) and a performance of Doorstep Duets by Matthew Bourne’s New Adventures in support of a coffee morning for the parish on July 15th (see page 14).

There is also news of a talk on July 21st about how to support people with autism (page 36), family events run by Farnham Maltings at the churches (page 14), events at the Hale Family Centre (page 24), the return of Messy Church on July 9th and Pride services on August 20th (both on page 23).

Among the other articles and notices is a report on our fantastic fete (page 8) and the Christian Aid concert (page 12), plus Craig’s relicensing (page 11) and the Badshot Leader is back again (from page 19) with information on local developments, the environment, the Badshot Bloomers and a fascinating history of Walter Tice.

To read it, click here: