I don’t know what to do. I`ve no one to talk to. Maybe you lot can help. Obviously I can`t ask him, and the others, well, to be honest I’ve never been comfortable with them. Especially that Peter, sorry I don`t like him, obsequious little….master this and master that and shall we build a tabernacle and can I sit next to you in heaven, ok that was the others, but they`re all the same. They haven`t a clue. All they can think about is the rapture and Yahweh sending his angels down. Total cop-out.
Me, I don`t believe that stuff. If anything is going to happen it`s up to us to get it going, down here, on the streets. I`ve been a kicking against the pricks all my life, school, estate, if something wasn`t right, me, I`d be there. At first it was the Romans, till I realised that it was the priests, especially the Pharisees.
It`s them who make it impossible to survive, all this stuff about a righteous remnant and the only ones who are going to be saved will be those who pay their temple taxes and stick to every ruddy iota of the law – and of course avoid any work for the Romans.
That`s what really attracted me to him in the first place. He`s really got it in for the Pharisees, and the landlords. He`s on the side of the weak, the damaged, the outsiders, the publicans – word on the street is that his dad was one. Well, that`s me as well, so obviously i joined up.
What we need now is a leader and he could be the one. I mean, look at what`s happened; I mean, he arrives in Jerusalem and the place goes mad; he was mobbed, he`s a superstar.
So what`s my problem? Well it seems to me that he`s been ratcheting up the pressure, but something has to make it explode. He can`t do it on his own. The Romans are a canny bunch, no way they`re going to risk a riot, so someone has to take the initiative. And I think it`s meant to be me. I think he`s telling me. The other night he slapped me down over the woman and the oil, but i think he was telling me to go ahead, to light the fuse; all this time he`s been saying give it away to the poor and that`s all I was saying about the oil so it made sense. He was saying I was right all along, so go ahead, it`s up to me. He needed the authorities to move on him, but they`re scared, they need someone on the inside. And there`s this voice inside my head which says it`s me. That way, they`d go for him and then the people would really rise up. They need me. More to the point, he needs me. History will tell.